There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
