i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
