her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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