We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
