Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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