woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
