New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
