Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
