Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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