Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
