Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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