**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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