he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
