Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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