i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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