Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
