the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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