my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
