My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
