dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
