hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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