well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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