sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
