rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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