I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
