Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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