In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
