I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
