You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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