I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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