I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
