Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
