Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
