You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
