i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
