I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
