Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no you cant smoke seaweed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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