everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
