I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
