EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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