i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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