A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My pussy is not your playground.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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