It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
