I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
