so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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