just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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