Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
