I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
