So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
