I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
